La Tienda : because you really feel like a burrito after picking up that hooker

2204 Southwest 13th Street

2 thumbs up.

La Tienda is one of many restaurants south of Archer Rd on 13th St that exist a mere crack rock's throw from some savory women of the night. But hey, you gotta eat, right? Sandwiched between the charred remains of Traders South, the former gentlemens club that burned down (read: WAS burned down) and the somehow out of business Waffle House, La Tienda is actually a very clean and inviting restaurant/Mexican store. You can buy yourself some home-cooked authentic Mexican dishes, fresh crossed the border Mexican goods, and even some Mexican music (my favorite was an album entitled "Esta es mi gallo" or "This is my cock," which my brother actually bought - much worse than you could ever imagine).

The menu looked somewhat familiar, and as I was told the same folks run Las Margaritas (unconfirmed), it made sense. I ordered a roasted veggie and bean burrito, some guac and chips and salsa. First off, the salsa was great and the chips fresh. The guac had more of a green mayonnaise consistency and wasn't really my thing.

The burrito was tasty, but as a lunch companion described it, very lardy. The beans were super heavy and dense. I felt like I had eaten a lead brick for the rest of the day.

I've always said I don't like sit down Mexican, but La Tienda offers counter service. This caused me to realize that I just don't like what us American's traditionally know as Mexican. Tex-Mex always seems to be a lighter, fresher choice, but maybe that's just me. To be honest, the place was very clean and welcoming, the portions large and reasonably priced (everything was around 5 bucks), and a pretty decent diamond in the rough of south 13th st.

Another old adage of mine is that I don't need any more burrito joints in this town, we've got that covered.

Bottom line, check it out for yourself. It certainly wasn't the worst place in the world. As somewhat of a health food nut, it certainly didn't please me in that regard. Otherwise, though, there was nothing really to complain about.

Designer Greens

1702 w. university ave.
(underneath copper monkey and next to pita pit by campus)

One thumb up (mostly for effort)


Since last week was spring break and parking wasn't impossible, a few friends and I decided to try some restaurants near campus. The first one we tried was Designer Greens, a new "healthy" restaurant next to Pita Pit. Upon entering, we were presented with quite a spread of seemingly fresh ingredients: lettuces, avocados, hard boiled eggs, tortilla strips, tomatoes (there must have been two dozen different fresh ingredients on hand). This pleased me greatly, as fast food seems to be taking a turn for the healthier/fresher. Also, I was satisfied to find out that what appeared to be a corporate chain was actually a small Florida based operation with only two stores currently open.

I ordered the half sandwich and half salad option and opted for the hummus sandwich, featuring hummus, tzatziki, tomatoes, red onion, feta, and black olives. All of the sandwiches came on pressed flatbread (think thick pita). The salad I chose was the "Avocado," featuring romaine lettuce, avocado, mandarin oranges, red onion, hard boiled egg, corn, candied pecans, goat cheese with citrus dressing. The sandwich was quite small and unfilling but the salad was surprisingly big for a "half."

First off, the sandwich was quite tasty, but felt extremely unhealthy. All the ingredients should be fresh and light, yet the sandwich managed to have a heavy, weighed down texture to it. Like I said, it was tasty, but it really seemed like it had some thick, unhealthy ingredients in it. Feta, yogurt sauce (tzatziki) and hummus don't get that creamy on their own.

Second, the ingredients in the salad seemed to have been compiled by either a child or a madman. Mandarin Oranges and Avocado? Corn? Egg and candied pecans? The salad was very unsettling. Even though this place started in Orlando, this salad epitomized Gainesville cooking mentality: throw a whole bunch of unrelated rich flavors together and pass it off as gourmet.

As with most places in town, I have to step back and realize who they're catering to. Sure, most health conscious college kids might be psyched to eat here. But with a 9.50 price tag for my lunch, I'm not sure they can afford it.

Day Tripper: The Yearling (Cross Creek)

14531 E County Road 325
Cross Creek, FL

2 thumbs up (all for the experience, none for the food)

The Yearling Restaurant in Cross Creek is somewhat of an anomaly in North Central Florida. It is a hugely successful restaurant in the middle of nowhere. It has won Best in the State awards every year since it's been open. It's at least 30 minutes from Gainesville and an equal 30 minutes from Ocala. And, I must stress this, it's IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

How do they do it, you ask? Well, if you start thinking like a good ole' Florida boy, the answer is simple. The food defines Florida Cracker cuisine. The only spices on the kitchen shelf are salt, salt, salt, and salt. You'll find an ample sampling of gator, catfish, softshell crab and shirts proclaiming "Eat Mo' Cooter!" (turtle, which I don't believe is actually on the menu).

If you think like a literature buff, you'll realize it's named after the Marjorie Kinan Rawlings Pulitzer Prize winning novel. Despite rumors that the restaurant was at one point her actual house it's not; however, it is very close nearby.

If you think like a music purist, you'll want to go to check out Willie Green, a legit as all hell blues man who performs some of the most authentic blues you've ever heard.


All told, a meal here is a truly unique Floridian experience. As I am not a Florida Cracker, I can't say I was blown away by the food. I tried the blackened catfish sandwich with collard greens. I've never eaten catfish before, so I guess I kinda set myself up for failure when I realized how slimy and oddly textured it is. Regardless, it was so over salted that I could barely focus on much else. The greens were equally salted beyond belief.


My eating partner opted for the soft shell crab sandwich with okra and tomatoes. Again, I'm not a Florida Goodleboy, so I've never seen a fried soft shell crab before. Needless to say, it was rather unsettling. I half expected the thing to scoot sideways off the bun and back into the deep fryer. I didn't try it, but was told it was good.

We both chose sweet tea (duh) which turned out to be SUPER SWEET tea. There was so much sugar in it that you couldn't taste much else. I couldn't even finish my glass due to the diabetic shock I immediately entered.

Do be warned that there was absolutely nothing vegetarian friendly on the menu.

All in all, The Yearling was a fun adventure. To get there, you even have to cross the River Styx (I shit you not). I'd strongly suggest going when Willie Green is playing and be sure to sit up front where he plays (besides, the back room looked like a creepy redneck Denny's).

Krishna Lunch: Hare Hare!

5 Thumbs up

Served daily at the Plaza of the Americas from 11:30 to 1:30

4 bucks!

How could something so good, so healthy, and so cheap have existed for so long in my town without me trying it? Well, for starters, I never went to UF for undergrad, so my previous time on campus during peak lunch hours is next to zero. However, since I've been teaching a class at 1:55 this semester, I'm finding myself on campus around the noontime hour at least 3 times a week. It wasn't until a week ago that I tried this "Krishna lunch."

To be honest, I was expecting something very bland served by dirty hippies. When I arrived, however, I was quite pleased to see how sanitary everything seemed, how fresh everything looked, and how delicious everything tasted. For a measly 4 dollars, you get a plate full of food, which always includes 4 courses, and a drink. Seconds (and even thirds and fourths) are completely free. Students routinely bring tupperware that the Krishnas gladly fill to the brim for no additional charge.

My first meal featured chili with rice, garlic potatoes and artichoke hearts, salad with homemade dressing, and pumpkin pie flavored halva (it seems to be a semolina based scoop of brown that can be easily flavored with spices). To be completely honest, I was floored. Everything was so good. I couldn't wait to return for another meal.

My second meal featured spaghetti with a tomato/vegetable sauce, tortilla chips (???), salad, and walnut banana halva. I scarfed down the first plate and headed back for seconds.

Both meals were extremely good. I can't give enough praise for this (unbeknownst to me) well established campus tradition.

Even if you're not a student, find a way to get on campus between 11:30 and 1:30 at the Plaza of the Americas for pure deliciousness.

Burrito Brothers

1402 W. University Avenue
(behind the presbyterian student center)

3.5 thumbs up (a good meal, not terribly authentic, but satisfying nonetheless)

Price Range: Pretty cheap. A big ol burrito will run you about 5 bucks.

Menu Highlights: Beef and bean burrito. Sweet Potato Burrito

Burrito Brother is a longstanding tradition in the Gainesville Student Food scene. Currently, it's housed in the back of the Presbyterian Student Center on the corner of 14th and University Ave. For those of you old enough to remember, it used to sit right on 13th in a tiny walk in storefront just north of University. There were no seats, only 5 people could comfortably fit inside, and it was classic.

This was one of the first traditional Gainesville eateries that I ever went to. To be honest, I wasn't wowed at first. You could say that Burrito Brothers was my introduction to the Gainesville spin on food. It certainly isn't legit Tex Mex, but rather some guy in the middle of north central Florida's take on it. The spices weren't authentic, the sauces weren't traditional, and the ingredients weren't what you'd normally expect. It was blander, simpler, less exotic, and totally Gainesville.

Despite my initial shock, I grew to love this place. I'd frequently get a beef and bean burrito to go and sit on a nearby friend's porch, applying the enchilada-esque sauce to each bite. One burrito would keep you full for hours, and visiting the old storefront really gave you a legitimate insider's feel.

As I graduated and moved farther away from town, I neglected their offerings for more convenient choices, but every now and then I remember how much joy their bizarelly rice paper-like tortillas brought me.

Today, as I cruised 13th for a quick bite, burrito fate called my name. I ordered the sweet potato burrito, which features sweet potatoes, black beans, Jack cheese, lettuce and roasted corn salsa. As always, I asked for a side of red sauce. It's kinda like a ketchupier version of enchilada sauce. Regardless, it's good. The burrito was great and filling, and I really enjoyed it. I could have used a bit more flavor out of it, but re-read paragraph two if you need to.

Look at it this way. The place is a tradition. They make good food. It certainly isn't authentic, but I think they get the job done.

Bahn Thai

1902 Southwest 13th Street

Three Thumbs Up (It's the best Thai food in town. A friend told me that's like saying "She's the prettiest girl in Ocala.")

Price Range: Surprisingly expensive. It seems to always cost at least 5 more dollars per person than you'd think.

Menu Link

Menu Highlights: Red Curry, Stir Fry Tofu with Mixed Vegetables

First off, I'm sorry for the lack of pictures lately. I've been doing a bit of take out food and don't want to offer those photos as evidence of a place's quality. Otherwise, let's get to it!

Bahn Thai is easily Gainesville's best Thai restaurant. Granted, that's not saying much, but it's pretty good nonetheless. There are certainly downsides to the place, such as the mob hit feeling of the windowless room or the immediate proximity of several transient/hooker motels. The wall of photos from 1992 also doesn't help assure me that the place has been cleaned any time recently. You can clearly see the exact same decor behind Michael J Fox and Woody Harrelson when they ate at the restaurant during filming of Doc Hollywood. I am also always disappointed by the haggard appearance of the tofu in the vegetarian dishes.

All that aside, they do have some tasty food. My favorite is the stir fry tofu with mixed vegetables, or the ol number 86. It comes with bean sprouts and crispy noodles, but if you're smart like me, you ask for these filler ingredients to be left out in order to maximize the awesome higher quality vegetables. This dish is chock full of variety, with at least a dozen different types of veggies. The sauce is a light brown sauce that can tend to be a bit oily, but it's quite good.

Their red curry is right on and the tofu version comes with a bunch of delicious veggies as well. I also tend to like their cashew sauce despite it being quite different from other Thai restaurants' cashew sauces. It's less light and delicate and has more of a heartier, gravier taste(yes, I just invented an adjective form of the word "gravy").

If you're feeling cold or under the weather, nothing kicks up your body temperature like a bowl of Tom-Yum soup. I think it's deliciously tangy and they do it quite well.

Their menu literally has a billion items on it, so feel free to experiment in order to find the dish that's just right for you.

If you eat in, make sure to take advantage of the complimentary dessert, which tends to vary between black sticky rice (think purple rice pudding) and sweet potatoes in coconut milk (very soft, small pieces of potatoes swimming in deliciousness). Both are really great and totally unexpected forms of dessert.

One final note. The service is always polite and professional. The owners (wife runs the business while husband runs the kitchen) are also very courteous and gracious hosts. This is certainly a selling point for me, as they always make sure you enjoy your meal.

All in all, Bahn Thai does the trick. I'd honestly prefer the place to be a bit better and certainly much cleaner, but it'll do.

Blue Highway Pizza (Micanopy and Tioga locations)

204 NE Highway 441 Micanopy
13005 SW 1st Rd Tioga

Full menu here http://www.bluehighwaypizza.com/tioga-menu-2009.pdf

Price Range: Very reasonable.

Menu Highlights: The pizzas are phenomenal. I also like the Spaghetti Pomodoro at the Tioga location

I'm not quite sure why I've neglected to review these guys yet, as they easily have the best pizza in town and possibly some of the best I've tasted. I strongly prefer the Micanopy location to the Tioga one for the following reasons: the Micanopy one is the original, it has charm beyond belief, and I actually think their pizza is better than the Tioga location.

For starters, I'm a huge fan of plain ol' cheese pizza. If you're not, however, never fear as Blue Highway has several wonderful options available (just check out their menu). They also have a deep dish that is knee weakening good (it certainly isn't healthy). For me, though the star of the show is the dough. It's so perfect in every possible way that it's hard for me to even do it justice. The bottom is coated with delicate bread crumbs and the crust is brushed with olive oil and garlic. It truly is a wonderful creation. My only complaint is that neither location is terribly close to me.

The Micanopy location has a simpler menu, as their kitchen space is limited. You're pretty much confined to salads, pizzas, and calzones. Tioga, however, has a full menu with pasta, sandwiches, and more. I particularly like the deliciously simple spaghetti pomodoro which has pasta, fresh tomatoes, fresh basil, olive oil, garlic, and some crushed red pepper. It's really a perfect presentation of a simple Italian classic.

I can honestly say that this is some of the best pizza I've ever had, and it easily puts the rest of the pizza in this town to shame. It's worth your while to make the trek to either location, but if you really want killer pizza, head to Micanopy. Plus, you can buy a gun on the way home.