La Tienda : because you really feel like a burrito after picking up that hooker

2204 Southwest 13th Street

2 thumbs up.

La Tienda is one of many restaurants south of Archer Rd on 13th St that exist a mere crack rock's throw from some savory women of the night. But hey, you gotta eat, right? Sandwiched between the charred remains of Traders South, the former gentlemens club that burned down (read: WAS burned down) and the somehow out of business Waffle House, La Tienda is actually a very clean and inviting restaurant/Mexican store. You can buy yourself some home-cooked authentic Mexican dishes, fresh crossed the border Mexican goods, and even some Mexican music (my favorite was an album entitled "Esta es mi gallo" or "This is my cock," which my brother actually bought - much worse than you could ever imagine).

The menu looked somewhat familiar, and as I was told the same folks run Las Margaritas (unconfirmed), it made sense. I ordered a roasted veggie and bean burrito, some guac and chips and salsa. First off, the salsa was great and the chips fresh. The guac had more of a green mayonnaise consistency and wasn't really my thing.

The burrito was tasty, but as a lunch companion described it, very lardy. The beans were super heavy and dense. I felt like I had eaten a lead brick for the rest of the day.

I've always said I don't like sit down Mexican, but La Tienda offers counter service. This caused me to realize that I just don't like what us American's traditionally know as Mexican. Tex-Mex always seems to be a lighter, fresher choice, but maybe that's just me. To be honest, the place was very clean and welcoming, the portions large and reasonably priced (everything was around 5 bucks), and a pretty decent diamond in the rough of south 13th st.

Another old adage of mine is that I don't need any more burrito joints in this town, we've got that covered.

Bottom line, check it out for yourself. It certainly wasn't the worst place in the world. As somewhat of a health food nut, it certainly didn't please me in that regard. Otherwise, though, there was nothing really to complain about.

Designer Greens

1702 w. university ave.
(underneath copper monkey and next to pita pit by campus)

One thumb up (mostly for effort)


Since last week was spring break and parking wasn't impossible, a few friends and I decided to try some restaurants near campus. The first one we tried was Designer Greens, a new "healthy" restaurant next to Pita Pit. Upon entering, we were presented with quite a spread of seemingly fresh ingredients: lettuces, avocados, hard boiled eggs, tortilla strips, tomatoes (there must have been two dozen different fresh ingredients on hand). This pleased me greatly, as fast food seems to be taking a turn for the healthier/fresher. Also, I was satisfied to find out that what appeared to be a corporate chain was actually a small Florida based operation with only two stores currently open.

I ordered the half sandwich and half salad option and opted for the hummus sandwich, featuring hummus, tzatziki, tomatoes, red onion, feta, and black olives. All of the sandwiches came on pressed flatbread (think thick pita). The salad I chose was the "Avocado," featuring romaine lettuce, avocado, mandarin oranges, red onion, hard boiled egg, corn, candied pecans, goat cheese with citrus dressing. The sandwich was quite small and unfilling but the salad was surprisingly big for a "half."

First off, the sandwich was quite tasty, but felt extremely unhealthy. All the ingredients should be fresh and light, yet the sandwich managed to have a heavy, weighed down texture to it. Like I said, it was tasty, but it really seemed like it had some thick, unhealthy ingredients in it. Feta, yogurt sauce (tzatziki) and hummus don't get that creamy on their own.

Second, the ingredients in the salad seemed to have been compiled by either a child or a madman. Mandarin Oranges and Avocado? Corn? Egg and candied pecans? The salad was very unsettling. Even though this place started in Orlando, this salad epitomized Gainesville cooking mentality: throw a whole bunch of unrelated rich flavors together and pass it off as gourmet.

As with most places in town, I have to step back and realize who they're catering to. Sure, most health conscious college kids might be psyched to eat here. But with a 9.50 price tag for my lunch, I'm not sure they can afford it.

Day Tripper: The Yearling (Cross Creek)

14531 E County Road 325
Cross Creek, FL

2 thumbs up (all for the experience, none for the food)

The Yearling Restaurant in Cross Creek is somewhat of an anomaly in North Central Florida. It is a hugely successful restaurant in the middle of nowhere. It has won Best in the State awards every year since it's been open. It's at least 30 minutes from Gainesville and an equal 30 minutes from Ocala. And, I must stress this, it's IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

How do they do it, you ask? Well, if you start thinking like a good ole' Florida boy, the answer is simple. The food defines Florida Cracker cuisine. The only spices on the kitchen shelf are salt, salt, salt, and salt. You'll find an ample sampling of gator, catfish, softshell crab and shirts proclaiming "Eat Mo' Cooter!" (turtle, which I don't believe is actually on the menu).

If you think like a literature buff, you'll realize it's named after the Marjorie Kinan Rawlings Pulitzer Prize winning novel. Despite rumors that the restaurant was at one point her actual house it's not; however, it is very close nearby.

If you think like a music purist, you'll want to go to check out Willie Green, a legit as all hell blues man who performs some of the most authentic blues you've ever heard.


All told, a meal here is a truly unique Floridian experience. As I am not a Florida Cracker, I can't say I was blown away by the food. I tried the blackened catfish sandwich with collard greens. I've never eaten catfish before, so I guess I kinda set myself up for failure when I realized how slimy and oddly textured it is. Regardless, it was so over salted that I could barely focus on much else. The greens were equally salted beyond belief.


My eating partner opted for the soft shell crab sandwich with okra and tomatoes. Again, I'm not a Florida Goodleboy, so I've never seen a fried soft shell crab before. Needless to say, it was rather unsettling. I half expected the thing to scoot sideways off the bun and back into the deep fryer. I didn't try it, but was told it was good.

We both chose sweet tea (duh) which turned out to be SUPER SWEET tea. There was so much sugar in it that you couldn't taste much else. I couldn't even finish my glass due to the diabetic shock I immediately entered.

Do be warned that there was absolutely nothing vegetarian friendly on the menu.

All in all, The Yearling was a fun adventure. To get there, you even have to cross the River Styx (I shit you not). I'd strongly suggest going when Willie Green is playing and be sure to sit up front where he plays (besides, the back room looked like a creepy redneck Denny's).