Burrito Brothers

1402 W. University Avenue
(behind the presbyterian student center)

3.5 thumbs up (a good meal, not terribly authentic, but satisfying nonetheless)

Price Range: Pretty cheap. A big ol burrito will run you about 5 bucks.

Menu Highlights: Beef and bean burrito. Sweet Potato Burrito

Burrito Brother is a longstanding tradition in the Gainesville Student Food scene. Currently, it's housed in the back of the Presbyterian Student Center on the corner of 14th and University Ave. For those of you old enough to remember, it used to sit right on 13th in a tiny walk in storefront just north of University. There were no seats, only 5 people could comfortably fit inside, and it was classic.

This was one of the first traditional Gainesville eateries that I ever went to. To be honest, I wasn't wowed at first. You could say that Burrito Brothers was my introduction to the Gainesville spin on food. It certainly isn't legit Tex Mex, but rather some guy in the middle of north central Florida's take on it. The spices weren't authentic, the sauces weren't traditional, and the ingredients weren't what you'd normally expect. It was blander, simpler, less exotic, and totally Gainesville.

Despite my initial shock, I grew to love this place. I'd frequently get a beef and bean burrito to go and sit on a nearby friend's porch, applying the enchilada-esque sauce to each bite. One burrito would keep you full for hours, and visiting the old storefront really gave you a legitimate insider's feel.

As I graduated and moved farther away from town, I neglected their offerings for more convenient choices, but every now and then I remember how much joy their bizarelly rice paper-like tortillas brought me.

Today, as I cruised 13th for a quick bite, burrito fate called my name. I ordered the sweet potato burrito, which features sweet potatoes, black beans, Jack cheese, lettuce and roasted corn salsa. As always, I asked for a side of red sauce. It's kinda like a ketchupier version of enchilada sauce. Regardless, it's good. The burrito was great and filling, and I really enjoyed it. I could have used a bit more flavor out of it, but re-read paragraph two if you need to.

Look at it this way. The place is a tradition. They make good food. It certainly isn't authentic, but I think they get the job done.

Bahn Thai

1902 Southwest 13th Street

Three Thumbs Up (It's the best Thai food in town. A friend told me that's like saying "She's the prettiest girl in Ocala.")

Price Range: Surprisingly expensive. It seems to always cost at least 5 more dollars per person than you'd think.

Menu Link

Menu Highlights: Red Curry, Stir Fry Tofu with Mixed Vegetables

First off, I'm sorry for the lack of pictures lately. I've been doing a bit of take out food and don't want to offer those photos as evidence of a place's quality. Otherwise, let's get to it!

Bahn Thai is easily Gainesville's best Thai restaurant. Granted, that's not saying much, but it's pretty good nonetheless. There are certainly downsides to the place, such as the mob hit feeling of the windowless room or the immediate proximity of several transient/hooker motels. The wall of photos from 1992 also doesn't help assure me that the place has been cleaned any time recently. You can clearly see the exact same decor behind Michael J Fox and Woody Harrelson when they ate at the restaurant during filming of Doc Hollywood. I am also always disappointed by the haggard appearance of the tofu in the vegetarian dishes.

All that aside, they do have some tasty food. My favorite is the stir fry tofu with mixed vegetables, or the ol number 86. It comes with bean sprouts and crispy noodles, but if you're smart like me, you ask for these filler ingredients to be left out in order to maximize the awesome higher quality vegetables. This dish is chock full of variety, with at least a dozen different types of veggies. The sauce is a light brown sauce that can tend to be a bit oily, but it's quite good.

Their red curry is right on and the tofu version comes with a bunch of delicious veggies as well. I also tend to like their cashew sauce despite it being quite different from other Thai restaurants' cashew sauces. It's less light and delicate and has more of a heartier, gravier taste(yes, I just invented an adjective form of the word "gravy").

If you're feeling cold or under the weather, nothing kicks up your body temperature like a bowl of Tom-Yum soup. I think it's deliciously tangy and they do it quite well.

Their menu literally has a billion items on it, so feel free to experiment in order to find the dish that's just right for you.

If you eat in, make sure to take advantage of the complimentary dessert, which tends to vary between black sticky rice (think purple rice pudding) and sweet potatoes in coconut milk (very soft, small pieces of potatoes swimming in deliciousness). Both are really great and totally unexpected forms of dessert.

One final note. The service is always polite and professional. The owners (wife runs the business while husband runs the kitchen) are also very courteous and gracious hosts. This is certainly a selling point for me, as they always make sure you enjoy your meal.

All in all, Bahn Thai does the trick. I'd honestly prefer the place to be a bit better and certainly much cleaner, but it'll do.

Blue Highway Pizza (Micanopy and Tioga locations)

204 NE Highway 441 Micanopy
13005 SW 1st Rd Tioga

Full menu here http://www.bluehighwaypizza.com/tioga-menu-2009.pdf

Price Range: Very reasonable.

Menu Highlights: The pizzas are phenomenal. I also like the Spaghetti Pomodoro at the Tioga location

I'm not quite sure why I've neglected to review these guys yet, as they easily have the best pizza in town and possibly some of the best I've tasted. I strongly prefer the Micanopy location to the Tioga one for the following reasons: the Micanopy one is the original, it has charm beyond belief, and I actually think their pizza is better than the Tioga location.

For starters, I'm a huge fan of plain ol' cheese pizza. If you're not, however, never fear as Blue Highway has several wonderful options available (just check out their menu). They also have a deep dish that is knee weakening good (it certainly isn't healthy). For me, though the star of the show is the dough. It's so perfect in every possible way that it's hard for me to even do it justice. The bottom is coated with delicate bread crumbs and the crust is brushed with olive oil and garlic. It truly is a wonderful creation. My only complaint is that neither location is terribly close to me.

The Micanopy location has a simpler menu, as their kitchen space is limited. You're pretty much confined to salads, pizzas, and calzones. Tioga, however, has a full menu with pasta, sandwiches, and more. I particularly like the deliciously simple spaghetti pomodoro which has pasta, fresh tomatoes, fresh basil, olive oil, garlic, and some crushed red pepper. It's really a perfect presentation of a simple Italian classic.

I can honestly say that this is some of the best pizza I've ever had, and it easily puts the rest of the pizza in this town to shame. It's worth your while to make the trek to either location, but if you really want killer pizza, head to Micanopy. Plus, you can buy a gun on the way home.

Harry's Seafood Bar and Grille

110 S.E. 1st Street

3 Thumbs Up

Price Range: They're pretty good about keeping meals under 20 bucks each.

Harry's is a tough one for me. In my opinion, it completes the trifecta of fake fancy restaurants on the S.E. 1st block of downtown (Amelianos and Ichiban being the other 2). They play the role of fancy restaurants but aren't really anything special for the most part.

To stay focused on Harry's, though, it's really not a bad restaurant. I think they do serve really decent seafood dishes and you'll probably leave satisfied without much to complain about. Furthermore, despite the reek of corporate backing, it is in actuality a small Florida chain with only 5 locations statewide. Knowing that, it could give one a greater sense of decency by supporting local business.


I stopped in for lunch today and had the blackened redfish with steamed green beans and a salad. It was all pretty good, with the redfish being a bit overcooked, but not terribly dry. Overall, I enjoyed the meal, but with tip, lunch ended up costing me 15 bucks. I've eaten multiple things on the menu, and can't say I've had any major complaints about them. No matter what you order, their bread is quite spectacular and is served with a herb/garlic butter.

To their credit, I don't think they're trying or pretending to be fancy. They go for a New Orleans/Mardi Gras theme, which is kinda weird for a Florida company. But with that, they don't go over the top by decking the walls with a bunch of bullshit. I think they actually pull off a casual, nicer dinner vibe.

Again, I say this place is tough for me because everything about it says that I should hate it, but it's really not a bad restaurant. I also enjoy that they have ample porch seating for nicer times of year.

If you haven't eaten here before, they're not going to turn you onto anything new, but they will serve you some pretty decent seafood.

The Fat Tuscan Cafe: Sandwiches, Salads, and Soups done right!

725 NE 1st St

Five Thumbs Up

Price Range: Sandwiches are from 5-9 bucks. It's really quite reasonably priced. Full menu is here http://fattuscan.com/SM.html

Menu Highlights: The Fromage a Trois is a delicious take on the traditionall grilled cheese

The Fat Tuscan Cafe is self described as an authentic European cafe with the best homemade food. Honestly, despite my typical cynicism and vitriol, I actually agree with them. I think their sandwiches are great, the bread is extremely tasty, the ingredients are high quality, and the physical location is beautiful (it's a restored historic house in the Duck Pond portion of town). I do think they reach their claim of authentic European cafe, as the place looks chic and the food doesn't ever disappoint.

I've eaten here many times, and have always been pleased with the Fromage a Trois, which features gruyere, fontina, brie, roasted tomato, sautéed shallots, grilled on panini bread, and drizzled with a balsamic reduction. I'm sure it's not terribly healthy with all the rich cheeses, but man is it good. They also make their own soups and if you can pair this sandwich with one of their frequently available tomato based soups, the combination is sublime.

I am not wild about the Grilled Vegetable Sandwich on Ciabatta bread, which features zucchini, squash, eggplant, portabella mushrooms, roasted tomatoes, and gruyere cheese on a ciabatta. Maybe it's the fact that it's cold, or that I'm not a huge fan of cold eggplant and mushrooms, but I'm not really into it.

The third vegetarian choice is the Greek Panini, with roasted tomatoes, grilled eggplant, roasted garlic, calamata olives, chevre, and arugula. I haven't had this one recently, and don't remember how I feel about it.

Obviously, there are a slew of meat based choices, which are all tasty as well.
The Ham and Cheese Panini was another choice made by a lunch partner. It featured homemade honey ham slices, brie, roasted apple mustard and arugula grilled on panini bread. It looked quite good and is pictured with a side salad.

The Roast Beef with Herbed Cheese looked particularly good, and was confirmed as such by my lunch mate. It features slices of homemade roast beef topped with homemade herbed cream cheese spread, and caramelized shallots on toasted ciabatta bread. It's pictured here with a side of tomato pasta soup (the actual name was much fancier)

On the last Wednesday of the month, they feature special, reservation-only, candlelight 5-course Rustic, Italian-style dinners (lots of qualifiers in that sentence). The courses are Appetizer, Salad or Soup, Pasta, Main Entree/Vegetable and Dessert. For 35 dollars per person (iced tea or coffee included), it sounds like a great deal. I have never tried this yet, but really hope to soon.

My only complaint is that the pasta salad that accompanies each sandwich is never good. To me, it's a waste of pasta as it's always dry and nearly flavorless.

Otherwise, this is quite a special, hidden gem of a restaurant that most people might not know about. Go check it out!

Sandwich Inn (a quick, cheap, decent eat on the east side of town)

110 NE 16th Ave

1.5 Thumbs Up

Price Range: CHEAP!

I've driven past this place countless times and often wondered if it was any good. Could the unassuming little drive thru shack be an easily overlooked hidden gem of goodness? Finally, I managed to stop by for a quick eat.

Their menu is SUPER cheap, which is good for your wallet, but probably not so much for the quality of ingredients.Obviously, it's largely meat based, but they did have a few veg items (grilled cheese and egg and cheese). I was very tempted to try the fried catfish sandwich, but was headed to the gym later and couldn't justify it.I settled on the grilled cheese and small fries. It was pretty decent, and mostly what I was expecting/hoping for. The fries were pretty good, and the sandwich couldn't be simpler. The whole thing cost $2.83.

There is a certain charm to an old school drive thru burger joint, and Sandwich Inn has some of it. I've seen places that are more charming, but when it comes down to it, it's really all about the food. In our case in point, the food wasn't bad, but nothing to write home about. It's essentially a quick eat, and I'm sure you could have some fun with their menu.

Give it a shot if you're bored, but it probably won't become a regular in the lunchtime repertoire.

Octobeer!

Dear friends,

Fall is here and we are presented with an ever increasing supply of "pumpkin" themed beers. I've sampled 4 to let you know my take on the market.

I have not sampled any macro brew pumpkin beers, but have tried to stick to the following 4 well known microbreweries' offerings.


Pumpkinhead Ale
Shipyard Brewery
Maine
(5 thumbs up!)
By far, my favorite Halloween beer. It doesn't actually have any pumpkin in it, but you'd swear you were drinking the beer equivalent of a pumpkin pie with this light ale flavored with nutmeg and other subtle fall spices.


Punk
Dogfish Head Brewery
Delaware
(4 thumbs up!)
The runner up. It's actually brewed with pumpkin as well as spices. It's a bit stronger (7%) and tastes really hearty. It is sold in 4 packs, but you'd be struggling to get through all 4.

Pumpkin Ale
Smuttynose Brewing Co.
New Hampshire
(5 thumbs down!)
3 of us tried this beer and couldn't get past one sip. It sucked. Don't buy it.

Pumking
Souther Tier Brewing Co
New York
(1.5 thumbs up)
Very strong (9%) and brewed with real pumpkin. It was an imperial style, thus the high alcohol content. We thought it smelled really stinky, but had a better taste. It wasn't great, and we didn't finish the large bottle that it came in.

Get drinkin, america!

Mildred's Big City Food

3445 W University Ave
Gainesville, FL 32607-2402
(352) 371-1711

1.5 Thumbs up (WAAAAY overpriced and overrated).

Price Range: this is one of the most expensive restaurants in Gainesville. Each dish easily costs between 16 and 30 dollars.

In earlier posts, I have talked about "Gainesville Gourmet," or "Faux Fancy." Both terms succinctly define the observation that "high-end" restaurants in this town are nothing more than mediocre restaurants with high prices, fancy decor, and nothing but hype to back up their food. Mildreds is the epitome of "Faux Fancy," the zenith of the pretension scale, the lowest cost to quality ratio that there could be in town. They are all hype and no substance. Don't get me wrong, the food isn't bad. It's just nothing special.

I ate a sampling of multiple dishes, including many meat based meals, to reach this conclusion.

To start, I had the spinach, goat cheese, pistachio and persimmon saladThe first thing I noticed was that the dressing was way too strong. If you're going to include several unusual items in your salad (especially the subtly unique flavor of persimmon), you can't overload us on the salad dressing. It was very flavorful, but a bit over the top. The spinach was extremely large and thick, making for a very chewy texture. It wasn't bad, just unusual.

Someone else in our party got a salad that included "dried fruit" which just turned out to be raisins.

For the entrees, we sampled the menu quite thoroughly.

One dish was pan seared grouper with spinach and lemon risotto.According to the meal's eater, "The grouper was great, totally fine and crispy. There was no sauce on it, but it was good and the way I like it (light fried/seared fish). The risotto was really not good. The rice wasn't cooked long enough and it wasn't creamy. I've made risotto twice before and it's been better than that." In my opinion, after sampling the fish myself, it was very flavorless and boring. Combined with the miserable risotto, this dish was aesthetically pleasing, but tasted like a dud.

Another meal was the duck with glazed chestnuts. According to the meal's eater, "The glazed chestnuts were surprisingly good. The duck was fine, it was duck. I was not impressed. It wasn't bad, but nothing special." In my opinion, the duck was quite gamey. It actually tasted stinky to me. I didn't try the chestnuts.

I had the burger. I don't eat beef more than once every 6 months or so, but I do know that Mildred's serves local, grass-fed beef (along with as many other local ingredients as they can across the whole menu). I felt the need for meat tonight and this was honestly the only reason I suggested Mildred's. It was a good burger and the fries were tasty, although oversalted.

The final meal, which I didn't photograph was the pork chop with bacon mac-n-cheese. According to the eater, "It was like they took 3 different dishes and put them together. The flavors didn't go together at all. It was so weird. The pork chop had a barbeque sauce that bordered on teriyaki. Then there was weird mac n cheese with bacon and steamed veggies with a butter sauce. It was a very strange combination of 3 completely different sauces that you wouldnt put on the same dish. It was as if the chef didn't think of how the elements of the meal would go together." I personally, didn't try this dish, so I can't add or detract from that.

I also tried someone's Pumpkin Bisque, which was quite delicious.

Overall, with 7 people eating at the same table, none of us were impressed. The price tag was quite high (around 25/person without drinks). I don't mind paying 25 dollars for a meal, and honestly don't consider it terribly much money for a great meal. It's just that no one had a great meal. Easily, the best item was the burger, which is a weak statement.

If the place didn't put themselves out there at a high end/gourmet level, I wouldn't have been so harsh in this review. They call themselves "big city food," but unfortunately, the biggest city any of these chef's has been to is Gainesville, FL.

Camellia Court Cafe

1080 SW 11th St
(inside the Harn Museum on the bottom floor)
The Camellia Court Café is open 7 days a week from 11 a.m. - 3 p.m. The Café is open until 9 p.m. for Museum Nights and until 7:30 p.m. before select performances on the Phillips Center mainstage. Call 352.392.2735 for more information.

2 Thumbs up (pretty decent meal with enough menu variety in a hip, modern setting. Perfect for making a full day event of the two museums).

Price Range: a single dish ranges from 6-12 bucks.

Two of this town's wonderful treasures are the Harn Museum of Art and the Florida Museum of Natural History/Butterfly Rainforest. Especially during those hot summer months, nothing is better than spending a whole afternoon in the cool halls of both institutions. But what if we get hungry, you ask? Look no further than the downstairs floor of the newest wing of the Harn for the Camellia Court Cafe.

The food isn't the best in the world, but it's pretty decent and has just enough variety on their relatively small menu to satisfy everyone in your party. I particularly like their salads, which are very ample and chock full of good stuff.

On this particular visit, I had the Roasted Butternut Squash Salad with wild berries (craisins), nuts (peanuts), and goat cheese, served on fresh field greens. It was actually pretty darn good. The roasted butternut squash was served cold and in chunks. The dressing was a nice light vinaigrette, different than the standard one served in most other restaurants in town.

Sticking with the serene theme of the museums, eating here can be quite peaceful. It's always quiet, and even though it's pretty close to 34th street, the outdoor seating is just as peaceful. For you students, they do accept meal plan cards, which is a nice plus.

I honestly think that the museum area of campus is taking Gainesville forward in its aesthetic and style. If the restaurant and immediate surrounding area weren't as cool as they are, maybe I'd really hate this place. But for now, I can totally eat a meal here every now and then.

Dorn's Liquor and Wine Warehouse

4140 NW 16th Blvd (in the Fresh Market plaza)

Despite its many shortcomings, Gainesville does excel in some clutch areas. Take Dorn's for example, as it is one of the best high-quality wine/cheese/beer/liquor/gourmet stores in town. I would sorely miss if I moved away. Over the past 5 years, the efforts of a few enterprising individuals have made craft beer distribution pretty top notch and evenly available in this town. Dorn's assortment of beer isn't the largest, but it surely is one of the most thoughtfully selected. I honestly prefer a store that has smaller numbers but higher concentration of interesting, quality choices.

Their wine selection is also top rate and their staff is exceedingly knowledgeable about what they sell. They'll always point out a bargain and can tell you more obscure details about each bottle than you'd ever care to know.

If you're in the mood, head over to the cheese counter where they'll pair your beer or wine selection with reasonably priced artisinal cheeses from around the world. Sampling is always free, so you can pick one that is just right for your tastes.

An entire wall is devoted to gourmet goodies from high-end balsamic vinegars and olive oils to imported sweets. Don't neglect this wall, as you'll surely find something interesting for your next soiree.

As far as liquor goes, they're well stocked with anything you could ever want.

I really enjoy heading to Dorn's for whatever little indulgence my heart desires and you should too!

Is my brother smarter than a hamster? (Two revisits)

I'm sorry for the void of reviews that September left in its wake but wanted to follow up with some revisits.

Sometimes I feel like Bart in the Simpsons episode where Lisa's science project is called "Is my brother smarter than a hamster?" Particularly, I identify with the scene where she has a cupcake hooked up to electricity and Bart keeps grabbing it despite being repeatedly shocked.

It was with this sentiment that I returned to Civilization and Boca Fiesta for my 5th and 6th attempts respectively.

Civilization Revisit:

I've been told that their lunch menu is really great and far superior to the dinner offering. Being in the neighborhood and out of ideas, I decided to head back. Keep in mind, despite giving them a bad thumb rating, they're not a bad restaurant, per se. They're mostly just not good. I've never been impressed with their offerings and I've tried multiple items on their menu (meat and veg options too). Being a sucker for any Tex Mex dish with sweet potato, I went for the sweet potato and black bean burrito with avocado, rice, and other tex-mexy ingredients (i'm remembering tomatoes and a salsa verde too). It came out looking pretty good and was pressed, which is a nice touch on a burrito. It was decent, but not great. Parts of it had a bizarre unidentifiable flavor which I later attributed to the salsa verde. The portion was tremendously huge and I could have probably gotten by on just a half, but I ate the whole thing. It wasn't bad but really wasn't anything special, which totally sums up this whole restaurant.

Bottom (reconfirmed) line: Civilization is a lackluster waste of time, money, and food.

Boca Fiesta Revisit:

I swore to never go here again and never miss an opportunity to openly deride it when friends bring it up, yet I found myself at lunch here yet again. The sole reason was because I was joining some friends who were already going there and I didn't want to be rude and try to move their party on my behalf. It looked like they improved their menu a little bit and made it somewhat easier to read. They also added extra choices for their sides. I decided on fish tacos and waited an hour for them to appear.

The tacos were actually quite good and I had no complaints about them. For my sides, I got watermelon and mashed sweet potatoes. The watermelon came with a bizarre sprinkling of some flavorless breading which my eating companions joked was poison because the staff knew of my previous review. The sweet potato mash was pretty average to bland and probably the least impressive part of the meal.

Being shocked at the increase in quality of the tacos, I still wasn't wooed by the place, as it took an hour to get our food. We were a bigger party than average and after all, it does take alot of time to put beans and other pre-prepared ingredients into some tortillas and then place them onto a plate. The service staff was still borderline unsanitary and unapologetically slow/apathetic. When it came time to pay, I had to use my debit card, and after everyone else received theirs back to sign, I realized that the waiter forgot mine. I had to go to the bar and get him to hunt it down so I could leave.

Despite the pretty good fish tacos, I really hate everything about this place.

Panache/Wine and Cheese Gallery

5 Thumbs up (really good, locally run sandwich shop with great bread and plenty of variety on the menu). They're only open for a few hours around lunchtime. The wine/beer/gourmet store is open for more regular business hours.

Price Range: the sandwiches range from 6-10 bucks.

Menu Highlights: Apple, Brie, and cinnamon on french bread was pretty delicious

Panache is somewhat of a hidden gem in Gainesville. It's so hidden and oft overlooked, in fact, that I've only eaten there twice in 8 years. There really is no reason not to be a regular, as they have very tasty sandwiches and excellent bread. The menu is quite varied and features many vegetarian options. I tried the apple, brie, and cinnamon sandwich on a fresh french baguette. The sandwich was extremely rich and sumptuous with the bread being the surprising highlight. It definitely wasn't healthy, but I did enjoy it.

The atmosphere of the dining room is a little weird/sterile to me, but the rest of the shop makes up for that 10 fold. After you eat, peruse the amazing selection of fine wines, cheeses, and gourmet items. The owners are extremely knowledgeable about everything they sell and even won a "best wine store in the state" award. You can head there for Happy Hour on friday afternoons for a light cheese/bread menu and a great selection of wine and beer. They also do themed tastings that correspond with the happy hours. You can sample from about 8 wines that are related by region or style and then if you end up buying a bottle, you get a discount.

My only problem with the whole place is that I only really need one good wine/beer/gourmet store to get me by, and I typically go to Dorn's as it's right by my house. That being said, I can't take anything away from the good folks at the Wine and Cheese Gallery/Panache, as they do a bang up job.

It certainly should be in your regular lunch repertoire.

Las Margaritas

4401 Northwest 25 Place



2.5 Thumbs up (certain items can be really good while others range from just so-so to disappointing. As long as you get the right thing, you should be satisfied).

Price Range: The a-la-carte menu can get you by for under 5 bucks, full meals range from 8-15.

Menu Highlights: The Vegetarian Burrito is sumptuous. Also you can't beat the 36 ounce mugs of beer for less than 5 bucks each. The a-la-carte tacos can be good, but see below.

Personally, I have entirely different attitudes towards "sit down" Mexican food and Tex-Mex. I love Tex-Mex because it's usually quick, fresh, tasty, and not overwhelming. Sit down Mexican, on the other hand, tends to be heavier. Maybe it's the readily available and bottomless baskets of chips and salsa that push me over the edge or the cheesier dishes with ample sides of beans and rice, but sit down Mexican is rarely at the top of my list for for dinner plans. I took this attitude into my eating experiences at Las Margs (as it's affectionately referred to) and wasn't impressed for years. After some close friends repeatedly professed undying and unyielding infatuation with the place, I decided to give it another go.

As most Mexican dishes are just a permutation of tortillas, beans, meat, rice, and tomatoes, you can typically find a very satisfying vegetarian menu if you just leave the meat out. In fact, Las Margs does have a very solid, specifically vegetarian section on their menu. My favorite is the vegetarian burrito, which is stuffed with sauteed vegetables (peppers, onions, mushrooms), queso blanco, and a delicious red wine sauce. It's served with large sides of beans and rice. The meal will fill you up for a good half day and it only costs 6.55. The sauce is really good and tangy and the vegetables are always very savory.

So, why only 2.5 thumbs up (out of 5?). Well, here again, we get into my issues with sit down Mexican. The air is saturated with deep fried vapor. You'll leave smelling like Las Margs until you heavily bathe. Also, I had a lackluster experience in preparation for this review. I was fully committed to giving them a solid 3.5-4 thumbs up, but after ordering the tacos pictured above, I was sorely disappointed. The shells were stale and chewy. It's not even that they were soggy. They were old. I didn't send them back, although I should have.

Fortunately for me, the chips were awesome as always. But are we really going out to eat in order to get free chips?

Drink it up: Maude's

101 Southeast 2nd Place

Before I get too far into my thrashing of Maude's, I want to let you know that I like a few things here. I like their chocolate chip cookies (which are rumored to be straight out of a commercially purchased tube), their selection of hot teas in the wintertime, and their sweet potato quesadilla. I've also had a pretty solid b-b-q tempeh dish here in the past. But for me, there are many serious flaws that are hard to be overshadowed by a few positives.

First off, if I type "Maudes" into my iPhone, it auto corrects it to "Nausea." I can't think of a more apt commentary on their coffee and service. Maude's is yet another Gainesville institution (like Leonardo's and Boca Fiesta) that employs many of the dirty, borderline, if not flat out, unsanitary residents of our fine city. Ask most people around this town if they've had bad service at Maude's and you'll get 99 yes's out of 100 people asked. We used to have a friend who worked there and he told us the owners/management actually promoted this lackadaisical, "I don't give a fuck" attitude. Many times, I've ordered a particular drink only to have it come out completely wrong. Simple cappuccino's turn into hazelnut ice'd coffees with soy milk more frequently than not it seems.

Maude's is the first place I went for breakfast after a recent trip to Italy. I wanted to recreate that morning cafe feel with a cappuccino and a pastry. Instead, I got coffee with several large bubbles resembling dish water on top and a soggy blueberry muffin.

Another downside to me is the ambiance. The main room (the original room for those old enough to remember) is charming as hell, but the back room and seating area out in the Sun Center thoroughfare are both sterile and uncomfortable. I know they can't help the vibe of the out dated and out of fashion Sun Center, but they can surely spice up the back sitting room without too much effort.

Years ago, a friend had a T shirt that he made showing a pot of coffee being poured into a toilet. It said "Maude's Sucks! Don't go there (to Maude's)." I was so happy to see that I wasn't the only one. This person actually went to the trouble of making a T shirt to express their disdain for this place.

I'm all about supporting local over corporate, but with a Starbucks right across the street, I can't say I fault many downtown coffee seekers from heading into corporate assured quality levels.

So, do I like this place or not? It depends on what I'm looking for, I guess. All in all, they could really benefit from a few crucial changes.

Drink it up: Volta

48 Southwest 2nd Street (in the W 2nd St downtown parking garage)

Every now and then, a man (or woman) has a vision of greatness. "I need to serve the best coffee/sandwiches/bulgarian food this town has ever seen," he says to a few friends over drinks. Most of these individuals invest their time, money, and lives into opening their dream store only to see it rapidly fade into oblivion and overdue bills. Once in a while, however, greatness rises above all else. The market responds to the high quality and supports the business, helping it become a bastion of superiority. Such is Volta.

As it opened over 2 years ago, I said to my friends, "Yeah, that place will be gone in 5 months." Typically I'm pretty good at this game. I can tell what is going to tank and what has potential. I'm proud to say I was wrong with Volta. They easily serve the best coffees and chocolates in town. The owner clearly knows his stuff, and the store is always welcoming to its clientele.

I'm not a big coffee drinker, but I do know the difference between good coffee and great coffee. I certainly know what bad coffee is. During my travels in Spain and Italy, I felt as if I was in the pinnacle of coffee and molten chocolate culture. Italy's baristas weren't just college kids making a few bucks to help them through school. They were long since grown men who treated their jobs as professions. They worked with the coffee as if it was an art form. The delicacy of the microscopic bubbles in the steamed milk foam were ethereal and the richness of the beans made you slow your pace to savor each sip. Spain's molten chocolate drinks were ubiquitous, with a machine or two in every cafe. They contained chocolate so rich that one sip instantly made you weak at the knee.

After returning from both trips, I strongly craved these daily European staples here in Gainesville only to be greatly disappointed everywhere I went. Fortunately for me, I discovered Volta. I can't stress enough how goddamn good the coffee and chocolate drinks are here. The owner clearly cares about what he is serving and seeks out the highest quality for his customers. Furthermore, the portions are SMALLER than your average American coffee joint. I personally prefer this, as you only need so much caffeine in one serving. Naturally, as the flavor is so rich, the caffeine content is as well. This feature is yet another indicator of European roots, as a cappuccino in Italy will be exactly the same size, no matter where you go.The main impetus behind this blog was an unfortunate visit to Starbucks. For a corporation, Starbucks isn't the worst thing in the world. Plus, they really know how to do what they do. That being said, it's not always the greatest. Based solely on convenience, my wife and I hit up a Starbucks for two mochas the other day. They both literally tasted like hot, milky water that had cardboard soaking in it for a few hours. It was SO bad. Incensed, I drove straight to Volta and bought a cappuccino which kicked so much Starbuck ass that it wasn't even funny.

So if you're a coffee drinker, you should be going to Volta. If you love chocolatey drinks, you should be going to Volta. You won't find better in town.

Gyro Plus

1011 West University Avenue

2.5 Thumbs up (certain items are really good while others range from just so-so to disappointing. As long as you get the right thing, you'll be satisfied).

Price Range: Sandwiches are in the 4-6 dollar range

Menu Highlights: Veggie Gyro

Mediterranean food is sacred to me. It is a cuisine that has beauty in its simplicity, full flavor from few ingredients, and should always be fresh. Also, it should never be expensive. All of the best Mediterranean food I've had cost less than 10 dollars per person. Much like other cuisines that I revere (Thai, Italian), Gainesville lacks excellent Mediterranean food. The closest thing we have is Gyro Plus, which really isn't bad if you order the right thing.

Much like another of my conditional favorites, El Indio (conditional meaning that it's only good if you order the right thing), Gyro Plus is capable of some really good food. They actually make their own pita bread, which is quite tasty. They also make their own hummus, babaganoush, tzatziki (aka cucumber sauce), and pastries. Perhaps my favorite menu item is "One Banana" for 99 cents.

On my most recent visit, I ordered the Veggie Gyro, which didn't look all that impressive.It was mostly iceberg lettuce with a few tomatoes, pickles, onions, feta cheese, and cucumber sauce. In actuality, it was quite tasty and very satisfying.

The biggest dissuasion for me is the appearance of the place. It hovers on the borderline of kooky/misguided decor and abject squalor. It really isn't that bad, it's just odd. They used to have a store in the adjacent room that sold really weird middle eastern goods. It quickly closed, though, because no one wanted any canned clam juice, khlav khalash, or any of that other crap.

Many times, you'll be greeted by one of the gruff owners who will begrudgingly take your order and then hand you a small, weathered piece of wood with a number drawn on it in marker.He barks your order into a technologically obsolete microphone and you sit and wait. They serve up their food pretty quickly, and when it comes out, they'll repeatedly, with increasing levels of urgency, call your number until you show some sign of approaching the counter.

All in all, the food can be pretty good here. There are definitely a few items on the menu that will bum you out, but you can avoid them with some due care. The first thing that always lets me down is any dish with rice. The menu features several platters, which are typically delicious at your average place. Gyro Plus' rice, however, is always very old and dense. It's almost like one large, semi-gelatinous piece of rice cake. The other item that I've been disappointed with
is anything involving grape leaves. My family has made grape leaves since I was a little child. I know how they're supposed to taste. Gyro Plus' tend to follow the lead of the rice and are typically soggy and mushy (after all, rice is a key ingredient in grape leaves).

Overall, it's not a bad place to grab a quick bite. It's not the best Mediterranean restaurant in the world, but it might be the best one we have in town.

Buddha Belly: Enlighten your wallet, don't go here

25 Northwest 16th Avenue

Zero thumbs up

Price Range: a meal ranges from 6-12 bucks, depending on what you get

Today's plan didn't have me eating at Buddha Belly. As it is a Sunday in Gainesville, many comforts of civilized society are unavailable due to places being closed. I literally tried 3 other establishments before ending up here. I was right around the corner, had never eaten here before, and figured, hey why not?

Immediately upon entering, you're smacked in the face with a heavy aura of deep fried-ness. This is the type of place that you'll be smelling like for the rest of the day. The menu combined the expected (fried rice, curries) with the unexpected (hamburgers, french fries). I became wary at this odd juxtaposition, but soldiered on anyway. I ordered the tempeh fried rice ($7.50) while my brother ordered the chicken fried rice ($8.25). It took about 10 minutes to make, which was encouraging since they were obviously cooking it up fresh. Both bowls came out filled with heaping portions of brown rice, vegetables, and chunks of tempeh or white chicken meat. The vegetables looked and tasted like they came from a bag of predestined stir fry mix instead of being fresh, and the rice was dry. The tempeh was soggy and not appealing in any way.

I'll take this opportunity to make a brief voyage into the realm of Gainesville Tempeh. The main players are Jose and Artie. Rumor has it that Jose taught Artie everything he knew, only to have Artie turn on him and go into direct competition. I tend to prefer Jose's for its superior flavor and also based partly on my penchant for revenge. So, invariably, when I enjoy a tempeh dish, it's Jose's. When I'm not impressed, it's usually Artie. As you can guess, Buddha Belly uses Artie's.

Furthermore, tempeh needs to be prepared just right. It's typically better when thin and not in huge chunks. In my opinion, the two tastiest ways of preparation are heavily sauteed or deep fried. Buddha Belly seemed like they just warmed it up.

So, needless to say, the fried rice was bland and tasteless. I sought salvation through sauce. Noticing that they had two homemade looking squeeze bottles, I asked the girl who served us what they were. She replied, "I have no idea." She then asked the other girl behind the counter what they were to which she stated "Oh, they make those fresh." Naturally, I asked, well what are they? Are they hot? Are they sweet? Are they for stir fry? Are they for the burgers? Her answer: "I'm not sure. But they made those yesterday."

I tried the one labeled "MEL" which presumably stood for "Mellifluous Sauce." It was a nice sweet, yet slightly spicy sauce that definitely helped the rice out, but not by much. I ate till I was full and left. Literally 30 minutes later, my stomach started rumbling with hunger pangs.

I wish that one of us tried one of the curry dishes so I could authoritatively rule this place out, but alas, we didn't. The place's motto is "Enlighten Your Belly." I'd suggest "Enlighten your wallet." Don't eat here. It's not that good and it doesn't even fill you up for any amount of time.

A quick note to prove I'm not crazy

One of my recurring themes of this blog is commenting on people who have no business being in the restaurant business. A specific example of this is my critique of The Lunchbox. Here's my direct quote

The Lunchbox strikes me as yet another Gainesville establishment run by someone with no business in the kitchen. Maybe they make their goose fat fries for superbowl parties and their friends say "oh, you should totally open a restaurant, you're such a good cook."

Now I'd like to quote you a passage from Anthony Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential

To want to own a restaurant can be a strange and terrible affliction. What causes such a destructive urge in so many otherwise sensible people? The easy answer, of course, is ego. The classic example is the retired dentist who was always told he threw a great dinner party. "You should open a restaurant," his friends tell him. And our dentist believes them.

So, you see, I'm not crazy. Since this is Gainesville and not New York, replace "dentist" with "former food service employee." Our former waitress or line cook gets it in their head that they could be running this place. They should be running this place. They quit their old job and blow a small business loan on an exercise in futility.

Five Guys Burgers. Holy shit!

3310 SW 35 Blvd
(off of Archer Road across from Butler Plaza)


5 thumbs UP!

Menu Highlights: There ain't much to choose from (4 varieties of hamburger or hotdog and 3 veggie items), but the veggie cheese sandwich was phenomenal

Price range: My sandwich was 2.50! The burgers and hotdogs range from 3-5 dollars.

I typically don't review national chains in this food blog, but I found myself at Five Guys Burgers today upon the recommendation of a co-worker. She is a vegetarian and was raving about their non-meat based items. Naturally, I had to check this out for myself.

For all you political junkies out there, you'll remember Five Guys from Obama's early days in the whitehouse. His affinity for Five Guys made national news and I can see why. The place was jam packed with a line nearly out the door for the entire time I was there.

Initially, I was a bit disappointed that their only veg friendly items were the "veggie sandwich" and the "veggie cheese sandwich." (I don't remember the actual names, but they were purely descriptive and similar to what I've listed above). Undaunted, I got the veggie cheese sandwich with lettuce, tomato, grilled onions and mushrooms, pickles, ketchup, mustard, and mayo. I held by breath and waited.

What should arrive 7 minutes or so later but this dazzling beauty, wrapped up in a steaming hot piece of foil and surrounded by a nondescript paper bag.

Believe me, it tasted WAYYY better than it looked. The sandwich was so damn good that I didn't even miss the presence of ground beef. It was savory, melty, gooey, and with just enough grease to help it go down (that's what she said).

Despite it's tastiness, I wouldn't have minded getting a full out burger if I still ate beef. Before I went vegetarian, I had eaten my fair share of hamburgers. The main reason why I don't miss them is because they were never as good as my expectations made them out to be. I definitely wasn't impressed with fancy restaurant style burgers, as they were always too big to fit in your mouth (that's what she said). Furthermore, the "higher end" ground beef lacked a certain element of greasy fast food goodness. On the other hand, most fast food burgers were gross, bizarrely mass produced, and lacking any quality ingredients whatsoever.

Five Guys seems to get it right and here's why. Their burgers look and taste like burgers from an Archie comic. They mirror the idealized mental image we all have when we think "delicious hamburger." They're just perfect.

I wasn't so impressed by the fries, and if I return, I won't get them again.

Coincidentally, I bumped into my trainer who was also eating there, sparking us both to concede how unhealthy the place is. But you know what? Sometimes you gotta treat yourself. And if you're going to get a fast food burger, Five Guys is by far the best I've ever had.

Flour Pot Bakery : Mediocrity hot from the oven

13005 SW 1st Road Suite 137
Also available at Wards Supermarket and local Farmers' Markets

In my opinion, the Flour Pot Bakery is yet another Gainesville installment of "where do they get off thinking they can run a food service business?" I picture the owner baking her special ginger snaps for company holiday parties to half sincere responses of "ohh, these are sooo good, you should totally open a bakery," and doing just that. Places like Flour Pot are most likely run by people who quit the corporate work-a-day world to realize their dream of running a bakery or a bar or a yoga studio or a spice store or a knitting shop. In other words, they're not qualified in any way for their job. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe they did go to culinary school and pass with a C average, who knows. All I'm saying is that the baked goods here aren't good. They should be called "baked mediorcres."

Also, to continue our running theme; the name is a play on words. Now class, what have we learned this means? It means that the creativity of the food isn't enough to sell the place. It means it's not that good!

When you break it down, the real problem with Flour Pot is their lack of oomph, distinction, and flavor. The sweet items aren't sweet enough and the savory ones are hardly savory.

Here's some of what I've had and what I think about them:

-Oatmeal Raisin cookies: I love Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Wards sells freshly baked ones from the Flour Pot and I'm always suckered into buying at least 3. Having eaten so many of these over such a long period of time, I'm convinced that their recipe is eyeballed and not precise. The sweetness and seasoning (cinnamon, etc) are never the same. Most of the time, the cookies are not sweet enough and are kinda bland. On rare occasion, they pull them off just fine with the right amount of sugar. Also, the consistency varies significantly, with some days being firm and crispier and others being soft and doughy.

-Ginger Cookies: Ginger cookies are another tasty treat unless you're buying them from Flour Pot. They're thick and gooey, but not in a good way. They're also chock full of jellied ginger bits that don't really help. It might just be a textural thing, but I don't like biting into a big gooey chunk of something when I'm already eating a pretty soft, doughy cookie.

-Rosemary Bread: While this item smells great, it's very timidly flavored. If you want to taste how savory rosemary bread can be, go to Uppercrust and skip right over Flour Pot. It's almost as if they have never tasted their own bread to realize the flavors aren't strong enough.

-Quiche Provençale: I went to their actual location one day for breakfast and had the quiche. Now, I'm not sure about the whole real men don't eat quiche thing, but they surely shouldn't eat bad quiche. It was baked some time ago and tasted like it had been sitting out for quite a while. It wasn't very flavorful (big surprise!) and was quite dense.

-Pumpkin "empanada": This was clearly intended as a dessert. The dough was croissant dough covered in thick sugar crystals. The inside was supposed to be like pumpkin pie filling, but it wasn't very sweet. It was also kinda sour, but not intentionally, which was a bizarre juxtaposition with the very rich dough. A very odd concoction.

Just to prove that I'm not crazy, I pulled the above photo from someone's blog. They were actually commenting on how their croissants look better than Flour Pot's.

All in all, this bakery is no good. It's a waste of dough. Go get your fresh, locally baked bread from Uppercrust and forget about Flour Pot.

Piesanos

5200 Northwest 43rd Street
(in the Hunters Crossing Publix Plaza)

2.5 thumbs up (the quality ranges from not bad to pretty good, but not great)

Price Range: Entrees are in the 12 dollar range, while fancier salads are around 8. Pizzas range from 6 dollars for a personal 8 inch to 22 dollars for the 24 inch.

A constant theme of this blog is my disdain for restaurants with a play on words for their name. I strongly believe a cheeky name correlates directly with a sub par restaurant. If they called the place Paisanos, I'd have no problem whatsoever, but alas, it's PIEsanos.

So, what's my take on the place? Well, it's kinda hard to say. When they first opened, I was very skeptical, as this town has the highest concentration of terrible Italian restaurants and pizza places of anywhere I've been. To me, Gainesville is like an ancient society that was cut off from other civilizations by impassable, mile high mountains and shark infested bodies of water. As a result, the technology for the wheel and aqueducts and fire and Italian cooking were never shared with us. The closest we have is Blue Highway Pizza in Micanopy, but for whatever reason, the culinary secrets couldn't make it across Payne's Prairie.

My first visit here was very positive, I loved the pizza and the gorgonzola salad (mixed greens, tomatoes, roasted red peppers, walnuts, and gorgonzola with the house vinaigrette).I thought the pizza was the most accurate New York style pizza we've seen yet. I also liked the dinner rolls that were covered in a drizzle of the salad dressing (they seem to add a touch of sugar for a slightly sweet balsamic vinegar and olive oil blend).

Over future visits, however, I became less impressed with their food. I tried multiple items on the menu, including the Penne Piesano (peppers, onions, sweet cherry peppers, mushrooms, sliced chicken, kalamata olives, and potatoes, sauteed in a garlic white wine sauce). At best, it was all just pretty good. Now, that's nothing to complain about, but after 4-5 visits, we kinda gave up on it. For me, the pasta dishes weren't seasoned enough. All it takes is the right combination of salt, pepper, and garlic to knock an Italian dish out of the park, but they just couldn't get it exactly right. I also lost interest in the pizza after a take out experience (it was soggy when I got it home).

So, today, after many months away, I ventured back to see if it was any good.

I ordered the lunch special, which was a personal pizza with mushrooms and onions. They actually sautee the onions first, which is a nice treat. I found a similar presentation in Italy when we ordered onions on our pizza, so this seems like an authentic boost to their credibility. The size of the pizza is perfect for one sitting, so you won't have any leftovers. The crust was great, crispy, and tasty, but the rest of the pie was kinda soggy. It wasn't bad, but not great. In fact, I'd say it was pretty good.

I also ordered the gorgonzola salad and ate it later the same day for dinner. Maybe it was the cheese, but I feel a little nauseous after eating it.

All in all, today's experience with Piesanos reinforced what I already believed. It's not bad and pretty good. But it ain't great.

Indian Cuisine

3550 Southwest 34th Street

Five Thumbs Up*

Menu Highlights: everything here is pretty great. Particular favorites are the Chicken or Vegetable Korma and the Tandoori Chicken. Make sure you get some Naan and a side of tamarind chutney!
(tandoori chicken)

Price Range: It's a bit pricey. A dinner for one will easily run 20 bucks.

Remember how I was making fun of restaurants with witty names like Harvest Thyme? My basic theory is as follows: If a lot of thought went into making the name "creative," the food ain't that good. Well, I'd like to present the contra-positive of that postulate. "Indian Cuisine" couldn't be a more generic, descriptive, unremarkable name, yet it implies nothing but quality when it comes to the food.

Before we get started, let me explain away the asterisk above. I can only eat Indian food once every 4 months or so. There are many reasons why. First, it somehow shuts down the mechanism in my brain that tells me I'm full and forces me to stop eating. When they plop a plate of saucy goodness in front of me with ample sides of rice, naan, and chutney, I eat till it's gone. It's terrible for me, but I can't help it. If I eat here at 2:00 PM, I'm usually good until lunch the next day. It is RIDICULOUSLY filling. Second, it does tend to give indigestion on either end of the spectrum from time to time.

Despite these downsides, I can't get enough of it when I'm in the mood. I become a junkie, craving the exotic spices like some sort of primeval crack.

Since giving up meat, I'm drawn towards the vegetable korma.

I have to admit, the Chicken Korma is tastier, but the veggie version still does the trick with peas, carrots, cauliflower, and potatoes, swimming in a thick semi-gelatinous bath of spices, cream, and coconut milk. You're going to want to soak that goodness up with some garlic naan (pictured above) and then dunk it all in some tangy, sweet tamarind chutney.


Indian food is so diverse and varied, yet all extremely savory and delicious. Get adventurous and try unfamiliar items on the menu and always ask for advice from the staff. They've never steered me wrong.

Eating at Indian Cuisine is a true feast for the senses. It reminds me of ancient days where the kings and royals would satiate themselves to the verge of vomiting on the richest foods of the day. I also think of the SNL skit where Will Ferrell is the pompous professor telling tall tales of sexual escapades: "We filled our bellies with goat meat. Our hands greasy. Mouths glistening. Yes, and -- once again, our bodies sluggish with goat meat."

Check this place out, you won't regret it (unless you get asterisk worth symptoms)

Harvest Thyme: Lunch just got a whole lot more boring!

2 West University Avenue

1 Thumb up (not the worst place in the world, and not outright bad, but I rarely want to eat here)

Price Range: The average sandwich is around 7 dollars!

Every downtown needs a good, quick, traditional American style sandwich shop. Harvest Thyme has been vying for this spot for years; however, they can't really deliver on the "good" part. Despite my affinity for single digit addresses, I'm not wild about this place. Whenever I think of eating here, I get a semi-sick feeling in my stomach, knowing that what I order won't be that good.

They have all your traditional deli style sandwiches, but at 7 bucks a pop, they are quite pricey. Since lunchmeat is such a processed item, its quality/flavor is pretty standard no matter where you go. In order to really stand out, a sandwich shop must have really good/unique bread and fixings. At Harvest Thyme, neither are much to speak of.

I've tried many items on their menu and have similar complaints about them all.

The Caribbean Chicken wrap features grilled chicken, jerk sauce, melted jack & cheddar cheese, fresh pineapple, onions, lettuce, tomatoes, sprouts & carrots rolled in a sun dried tomato wrap. Sounds delicious, right? Well, it's pretty good, but it has a fatal flaw, in my opinion. The grilled chicken is hot, while the wrap and fixings are cold. The chicken melts the cheese, but the cold items halt the melting process somewhere near the bizarrely gelatinous goo state. The hot chicken with the cold toppings also creates an unfavorable temperature-moisture discrepancy that makes the sun dried tomato wrap assume a soggy consistency.

The Farmers Market Pita is comprised of lettuce, tomatoes, sprouts, carrots, cucumbers & melted jack & cheddar cheese. I have the same complaint about this wrap as the one above. The melted cheese really kills it for me and makes it hard to get through a whole wrap.

I've also had the Homemade Hummus Pita, with lettuce, tomato, sprouts, carrots & cucumb..asdf.kajf.asdf. Oh, I"m sorry, while typing this description out, I fell asleep and my head landed on the keyboard. This couldn't be a more boring wrap. Also, the homemade hummus is nothing to write home in Arabic about.

Finally, I've had the Gardenburger (A veggie burger served on a "fresh baked" kaiser roll, with lettuce, tomatoes, sprouts, red onion, jack cheese), which is nothing unique whatsoever. It's decent, but at 6.50, a bit pricey.

In general, I think a good rule of thumb is to avoid restaurants that have a play on words for their name. It's a sign that they think they're creative, which is usually a good indicator that they're not.

Chop Stix (and Chop Stix Bistro)

3500 Southwest 13th Street
2441 Northwest 43rd Street (Thornebrook Village)

5 thumbs DOWN!

Before I get started here, I want to let you all know that I'm fully aware of what I'm stepping into with this one. A close friend cautioned me that people in this town have an irrational obsession with this place. I concede this point, yet would like to further emphasize the word irrational.

To begin, I'd like to highlight two personal experiences to make my case.

1. The first time we ever went to Chopstix, my wife (girlfriend at the time) ordered the honey garlic tofu. When it finally came out (terrible service will be discussed later on), it was nothing more than overly deep fried shriveled bits of what used to be tofu, swimming in a slightly amber liquid that tasted nothing like honey or garlic. We told the waiter that it wasn't any good and asked him to take it back. He said he couldn't do that because we ordered it and now we had to pay for it.

After calling the manager over, we re-explained the problem to her and she echoed the waiter's assertion that we ordered it, therefore we have to pay for it. Fortunately, we were with a friend who is even bolder than I in situations like this and he took control of the conversation. He said, look, this is inedible and it tastes like nothing, we don't want to pay for it. In response, her incredulity grew as she reiterated that when someone orders something from a restaurant, they have to pay for it. To this, our friend said, right, but if the item isn't any good, they shouldn't have to pay for it. Offering a compromise, he asked if we could at least exchange it for something else. This request was also refused. In case you forgot, when you order something in a restaurant, you have to pay for it. He broke it down even further by saying, "Look, this thing cost 5 DOLLARS! You can either take it off our bill, or you'll lose any future business from the 3 of us." The manager gave a semi-insulting shrug and said she wouldn't take it off the bill. I vowed to never return.

2. Fast forward about 3 years. Some friends were all going for dinner and invited us along. Not wanting to be naysayers, we joined them. At best, we hoped Chop Stix would redeem itself; at worst, we figured we'd cross them off our list again. It was a weekend night and the place was packed (WHO KNOWS WHY!?). We didn't have to wait long for a table, but we had to literally wait TWO HOURS for our food. Most dishes were of the stir fry variety, implying a quick fry in a wok and plop on a plate. Moreover, when the food came out, it looked as if it had been prepared by a 19 year old in their dorm room. I've never seen such unappetizing presentation. By the end of the meal, we had the whole table convinced this was the worst restaurant ever. The waiter offered no apology, consolation, free scoop of orange sherbet, or anything. We all rounded our bill up to the next even dollar and left that as the tip. I think we set a record for lowest tip that wasn't 0% that night.

Everything about this place rubs me the wrong way. The ingredients seem cheap, the service is terrible, the presentation is unsightly, the staff has an attitude, and the food doesn't even taste good.

They opened another restaurant in the Thornebrook Village, which is close to where I live. I was very disappointed to realize that it was the same people, as I'd love a quick stir fry joint around the corner. The Thornebrook location is less creepy than the original, but isn't any faster. The food quality is a slight notch above the original, but not high enough to consider it a good restaurant.

Look, we're not going to be in agreement on all restaurants that I review. In fact, we shouldn't be. I'm very picky. But I find Chop Stix to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If you haven't had a similar experience to the ones described above, don't worry. You will.

Eating in: Salvage the week's leftover veggies with Pasta Primavera!

My typical shopping week includes a trip to Publix on Sunday night for essentials, followed by post-work Monday trip to Ward's for all my vegetables and fruits. I'm not good at planning a week's menu out in advance, so I just buy whatever looks good and is in season. This usually results in my vegetable drawer overflowing with amazing produce. Invariably, Saturday rolls around and I have a sad forgotten zucchini in the back, half a red pepper in a Tupperware container, and some other odds and ends going to waste. Knowing that these will either end up as tortoise food or in the compost heap, I feel a bit defeated. This weekend, however, I was reminded of a perfect way to use your leftover veggie scraps for a delicious and nutritious meal. Pasta Primavera! The photo above was made from the following:
-one old zucchini (peeled to remove the wilted skin, but revealing a perfectly ripe and tasty interior diced finely)
-one half red pepper, finely diced
-one half red onion, chopped
-one handful of kale greens
-3 cloves garlic finely diced
-small handful leftover pine-nuts
-10 sun dried tomatoes cut into small pieces
-grated pecorino-romano cheese
-organic spaghetti

Sautee all the veggies in a cast iron skillet until cooked. Add the pine-nuts for the last 5 minutes. Boil and drain your pasta and return it to the boiling pot. Add about 1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil (make sure it's single sourced, meaning not comprised from olives from all over the world). Throw in the sauteed veggies, sun dried tomatoes and stir. Top with the pecorino-romano cheese before serving.

The dish is extremely delicious, healthy, and resourceful.

Rolls 'n' Bowls

3117 Southwest 34th Street


2 thumbs up (Not bad. I would think about trying somewhere else first if I had the choice. Eat here rarely.)

Price Range: About 10 bucks per person for a meal

The owners of Dragonfly Sushi (who we all know this blogger isn't too fond of) had the idea to combine pan-asian/sushi with a fast food format, giving us Rolls 'n' Bowls. As with their downtown location, the restaurant's decor is uber-asian-chic and modern. The menu features predetermined dishes as well as a build your own feature that is pretty unique when it comes to this type of cuisine. Basically, you can get a sushi roll or rice bowl comprised of a variety of items of your very own choosing. For one fixed price, you are allowed 4 vegetables (from a selection of nearly 20), 3 "elements" (fish, tofu, tempeh, avocado, and other more substantial items), and the sauce of your choosing.

Details aside, let's start dissecting the place.

One of the first things I try to pinpoint about a restaurant is their target market. Rolls 'n' Bowls is deliberately catering to the large student population that lives south of Archer and off of 34th. In other words, it's main goal is to impress 19 year old girls. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad, but it's just not that great. Part of the problem is my own fault: when I'm given too many choices, I invariably screw things up. I've often joked how at places like this, without hesitation, I'll go for smoked salmon, avocado, and jelly beans. So, I'm well aware that my own choices may taint the quality of the build your own dishes. I'm a sucker for teriyaki sauce, so that's what I invariably choose. Rolls 'n' Bowls teriyaki, however is a bit too syrupy sweet for me and always leaves me feeling gross after I leave.

One highly respectable feature is their commitment to eco friendly practices. They are actually certified as a green restaurant (http://dinegreen.com/) as they use plastic made out of corn (which still needs petroleum products to be grown), reusable plates, and napkins made of recycled paper.

All in all, it's a decent place, but not amazing. I'd caution you to learn from my mistakes and choose ingredients that go together when you're building your own bowl or roll. If you're in that part of town, it's not the worst place, but I'm hard pressed to go out of my way to eat there.