Chop Stix (and Chop Stix Bistro)

3500 Southwest 13th Street
2441 Northwest 43rd Street (Thornebrook Village)

5 thumbs DOWN!

Before I get started here, I want to let you all know that I'm fully aware of what I'm stepping into with this one. A close friend cautioned me that people in this town have an irrational obsession with this place. I concede this point, yet would like to further emphasize the word irrational.

To begin, I'd like to highlight two personal experiences to make my case.

1. The first time we ever went to Chopstix, my wife (girlfriend at the time) ordered the honey garlic tofu. When it finally came out (terrible service will be discussed later on), it was nothing more than overly deep fried shriveled bits of what used to be tofu, swimming in a slightly amber liquid that tasted nothing like honey or garlic. We told the waiter that it wasn't any good and asked him to take it back. He said he couldn't do that because we ordered it and now we had to pay for it.

After calling the manager over, we re-explained the problem to her and she echoed the waiter's assertion that we ordered it, therefore we have to pay for it. Fortunately, we were with a friend who is even bolder than I in situations like this and he took control of the conversation. He said, look, this is inedible and it tastes like nothing, we don't want to pay for it. In response, her incredulity grew as she reiterated that when someone orders something from a restaurant, they have to pay for it. To this, our friend said, right, but if the item isn't any good, they shouldn't have to pay for it. Offering a compromise, he asked if we could at least exchange it for something else. This request was also refused. In case you forgot, when you order something in a restaurant, you have to pay for it. He broke it down even further by saying, "Look, this thing cost 5 DOLLARS! You can either take it off our bill, or you'll lose any future business from the 3 of us." The manager gave a semi-insulting shrug and said she wouldn't take it off the bill. I vowed to never return.

2. Fast forward about 3 years. Some friends were all going for dinner and invited us along. Not wanting to be naysayers, we joined them. At best, we hoped Chop Stix would redeem itself; at worst, we figured we'd cross them off our list again. It was a weekend night and the place was packed (WHO KNOWS WHY!?). We didn't have to wait long for a table, but we had to literally wait TWO HOURS for our food. Most dishes were of the stir fry variety, implying a quick fry in a wok and plop on a plate. Moreover, when the food came out, it looked as if it had been prepared by a 19 year old in their dorm room. I've never seen such unappetizing presentation. By the end of the meal, we had the whole table convinced this was the worst restaurant ever. The waiter offered no apology, consolation, free scoop of orange sherbet, or anything. We all rounded our bill up to the next even dollar and left that as the tip. I think we set a record for lowest tip that wasn't 0% that night.

Everything about this place rubs me the wrong way. The ingredients seem cheap, the service is terrible, the presentation is unsightly, the staff has an attitude, and the food doesn't even taste good.

They opened another restaurant in the Thornebrook Village, which is close to where I live. I was very disappointed to realize that it was the same people, as I'd love a quick stir fry joint around the corner. The Thornebrook location is less creepy than the original, but isn't any faster. The food quality is a slight notch above the original, but not high enough to consider it a good restaurant.

Look, we're not going to be in agreement on all restaurants that I review. In fact, we shouldn't be. I'm very picky. But I find Chop Stix to have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. If you haven't had a similar experience to the ones described above, don't worry. You will.