Downtown Duds: Boca Fiesta

Boca Fiesta : Five thumbs down
232 Southeast 1st Street
(the old Hardback/Pontiac Building)

Menu Highlights : none

Price range : The special, which includes either two tacos, a burrito, or taco salad and your choice of two sides (don't get exited, there are only 3 choices: Corn on the cob, beans and rice [note that most dishes already include beans and rice] or a salad [note that one of the 3 main entree choices is already a salad]) is 8.50 for vegetarian options and 9.50 for meat.

Boca Fiesta is approximately 5 paces as the worm crawls from my office. You'd think this would excite me beyond belief, knowing that a quick, good lunch is practically downstairs. Unfortunately, good and quick aren't descriptors for their food.

The restaurant is owned and run by the former drummer of Against Me! (the exclamation point is part of their band name and not symbolic of any excitement on my part). Don't get me wrong, he's a super nice guy and I have a huge amount of respect for the band's work ethic and success. It's just that "former drummer" in no way qualifies you as "current tex mex entrepreneur."

Besides our ex drummer, the place is run (overrun?) by gainesville townies. You know, the tatooed, dirty looking people who usually smell bad and drink PBR at Common Grounds or the Top or The Atlantic. Don't get me wrong, I love those places and go there regularly, but you know who I'm talking about.

The first time I ever went, the waitress looked like she was sick (her nose was actually running) and we spent a literal hour in the restaurant, 45 minutes of which was waiting for our food. This was compounded by the fact that there was NO ONE ELSE THERE. We were the only table. How long does it take to make a god damn burrito?

I got the veggie burrito, which includes sauteed peppers and onions, beans and rice, salsa, avocado, and vegan queso. Despite what should make for a typical tex-mex taste sensation, it was tasteless and soggy. A friend urged that I give the place another shot, which I did. This time, I tried the tacos. They were tasteless and soggy. Also, they were only 2 and quite small at that. 8.50 for two tacos and some beans and rice sounds like a rip off to me.

Did I leave it at that? Of course not! I went back for a 3rd shot (this is all over a period of ONE YEAR, I'll have you know, thus giving them ample time to get their shit together). This time, I tried the breakfast burrito which included eggs, potato, cheese, and salsa. Hard to mess that one up, right? Wrong! Terrible. It tasted stinky (perhaps eggs cooked at too high of a heat - at least I hope that's why), was soggy and tasteless. Noticing a trend?

UNDAUNTED, I've gone back for a 4th and 5th time and at best found something on the menu that isn't a flat out waste of money. It's the 5 dollar bean burrito. It's still soggy and has minor taste improvement from the other items, but is still a really depressing burrito for 5 bucks.

Let's call it like it is, this place flat out sucks. The food is terrible and overpriced, the staff is borderline unsanitary, and the service is really slow. I ordered the burrito to go from the bar and after waiting for 15 minutes for the damn thing, no one would bother ringing me up. I calculated the bill to the exact cent and left it on the bar, leaving without even the slightest notice of the staff. I literally reconsidered leaving an extra dollar as tip and ended up not doing so.

One other thing boasted about on the menu is the homemade limeade sweetened with agave nectar. It tasted like a kid dissolved sugar in some water and then added a squirt of "lime juice" from those plastic lime shaped bottles you can buy at the grocery store. It was 3 dollars and pathetic.

All in all, Boca Fiesta is a party that I'd rather not be invited to.