Chinese Take out Fried Rice

In late 2008, I went on a mission to find the best Chinese take out fried rice in Gainesville. Much like Morgan Spurlock, however, I was forced to quit before I could finish, only trying out 4 places. The reason for this was the amount of sodium I was ingesting was creating a salinity level in my body that could only be rivaled by the Black Sea. Visiting all of these restaurants also made it clearly apparent that you can buy a "Chinese take out restaurant starter kit" presumably from a company in Passaic, NJ. There is no authenticity, it seems.

Why fried rice? Well, I feel that fried rice is a good litmus test of a place's skill. You can't really mess it up and you'll only have breathtaking fried rice once or twice in your life. It's really a status quo dish. That being said, there is a big difference between mediocre fried rice and great fried rice.

So, I'm going to try and rate them on a scale from 1-10 and give a little insight into what is included in the dish, good flavors, bad flavors, unexpected twists, and so on.

China Star
3307 W University Ave: Next to the Publix on 34th and University

Rating: 5.5

Diagnosis: Not bad, not great. It is just above average, but that is mostly because it's malleable. I added my own touch of sriracha and a dash of soy sauce to liven it up and it was quite good in this manner. On it's own, it was pretty plain. There were onion, carrot, and pea bits in it as well as tiny strips of what appeared to be white meat chicken. I didn't notice any egg or much soy sauce flavoring. I believe they used yellow rice instead of white rice, so that affected the color without adding any flavor.

China 88
On the southeast corner of nw 43rd st and nw 16th ave.

Rating: 6.75

Appraisal: I've seen China 88 many times as my cousins used to run a catering business right next door. Perhaps it was my typical aversion to chinese food or the fact that I was constantly looking in China 88's back door that I stayed away, but science knows not the meaning of the word fear.

One large chicken fried rice please!

I got my little take out box home and opened that sucker up. It smelled pretty good on the ride home, however, I think a large part of the smell was the fortune cookie being warmed up.

So, as with China Star, they used yellow rice. There was no egg and the goodies included only a few carrots and onions, no peas. The chicken was in substantial cubes of white meat. Overall, the dish had a nice smoky/seasoned taste, as if it was cooked in a nicely seasoned wok which imparted its flavor characteristics to the rice. It was still on the blandish side, but a squirt of spicy mustard cured that ailment right away.

I'd say it was definitely better than China Star's, and the substantial pieces of chicken earned them another .5, so a total of 6.75 points for China 88's fried rice.

(side note: i've had a few other dishes here and while none of them have been amazing, it's clearly one of the better take out chinese places in town with the nicest ingredients and freshest appearance)

Hot Wok Chinese Takeout
3006 NW 13th St
Gainesville, FL 32609

Rating: 2.0 out of 10

The analysis:
I've been excited to try Hot Wok for no reason other than my friend Shaun took a picture in front of it after his graduation. It must be great, I reasoned, b/c Shaun is awesome and his graduation was a big event. I've also been eager to expand on my search. So, today found me in mid-north Gainesville at lunchtime, and as the fates would have it, at Hot Wok Chinese Take Out.

The rice was the yellowest of them all so far. The extra bits were just peas and carrots, no onions, no egg, and the chicken was in small cubes, similar to China 88, but with much more "mystery meat" flair. Some pieces were discolored and others were tougher to eat. I'd say this was more of a box of Arroz con Pollo and much less Chinese Fried Rice. Nothing about it made it taste chinese. There was little-no seasoning, and it was so yellow that it resembled a Chinese take on a favorite Cuban dish.

The shop still had Valentine's decorations up (most likely from a previous year, as they were a bit faded), and had a few American specials, such as French Fires. I was wondering what French Fires would taste like and if they were at all dangerous. Since my shirt was flammable, I decided to stay away this go around.

Overall, it was very disappointing. I immediately got a headache after eating there, so the MSG potential was high.

At least I now know that there will be some scores below average.

China 1
3720 NW 13th St
Gainesville, FL 32609
352.374.8886

Rating: 2.5 out of 10.

The verdict: Nasty. Plain. Scary. Well, it wasn't that bad, but it really wasn't good. Yellow rice was again the medium, onions, carrots, peas and chunks of dark meat were the bittys. Again, no egg.

I gotta say, it was the most tasteless dish I've ever had, and I'm not talking about Sarah Silverman.

So, the consensus is after trying 4 different places in town: local take out chinese fried rice sucks. Don't eat it.